She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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