I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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