She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
