This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
