Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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