pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
