I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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