dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
