i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh god the rape fog is back!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
