My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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