I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
