okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
