I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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