Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
