he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
