Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
