I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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