his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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