i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
