I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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