Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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