I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
