Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
