A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
