Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
