dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
