Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You peed on a flamingo?!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
