i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
