Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
