how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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