the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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