Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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