Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
