the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
