dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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