I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
