The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
