Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
