Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
