he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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