im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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