Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
