i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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