well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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