You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
