why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
