I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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