you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
