We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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