Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
