I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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