I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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