Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
