don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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