dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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